I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
