Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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