i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
