Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
