we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
