I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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