Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You ruined the universe
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
