ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
