I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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