Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
