Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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