Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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