I can text with my tongue
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
