matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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