you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
