I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
