did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
