wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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