as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
