I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
