Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
