I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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