everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
