what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
