I just made out with a guy for $7.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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