he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
