I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
