woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
