i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
