Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
