We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
