Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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