I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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