escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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