Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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