I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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