Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
