i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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