we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
