I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
