I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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