they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
