I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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