I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
