You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
