you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
