i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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