Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
