I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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