every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
