we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
